I have been realizing and experiencing that stories and fantasies create things in "reality". And for a fantasy to come to an end it needs to come to its natural conclusion, just like in a crazy movie I watched yesterday: Fantasy Island. For a fantasy to reach its conclusion, it is first necessary to recognize it as a fantasy and then feel the results it generates. There is a very specific category of this human story-making framework, which are assumptions.
And what is an assumption? An "assumption" is a memetic construct, a way of thinking about something that doesn't necessarily have to be connected to reality. Your Being can assume anything about anything. If you're not paying attention to your assumptions, you might be playing a video game with the conviction that you're in real life, like in that movie Jumanji, or that you're reading a book without knowing whether it's fiction or non-fiction.
There are several types of assumptions. You can walk by a neighbor, say hello, and assume that he's willing to have a friendly, shallow interaction with you and return that hello to you. If he does that you may feel joy, if he doesn't respond you may feel sad, for example. So too, you can create an assumption you never imagined before like: what if I assume that by talking to this tree it will answer me?
Assumptions generate expectations, which generate feelings.
A research I've been doing with some friends is what other ways are there to deal with emotions besides emotional healing processes? An emotional healing process is a fantastic way to deal with mixed emotions, past decisions and many other things. But what other ways can we deal with our emotional body? In the case of assumptions, one way I've been experimenting is dealing with them through heartfelt and honest reality checks.
An example that happened to me recently. I had the assumption that what I say in spaces is not valid, it's a waste of time. This was a way of thinking that was not anchored in reality, there was nothing in the spaces that told me that, however I believed in it and it generated feelings every time I went to speak in a space. I was afraid of not being good enough and spoiling the space, I was sad to cut out things I wanted to say because that assumption stuck and filtered what my being was bringing.
In an anger club the spaceholder asked a dangerous question after a sharing I had done: "I notice that every time you finish your speech there is a feeling in your voice, what is it?" Soon after, I come: "I'm afraid that I'm destroying the space with what I just said, that what I'm saying is useless and a waste of time". After I shared this he asked if I would like to do a reality check on it with the team, I chose yes.
When the spaceholder asked everyone: "what does Gabriela bring here destroys the space? Raise your hand if you feel like it" and no one raised their hand. At that exact moment tears started running down my face. A great sadness began to run through my body. I felt sadness because I was often preventing my brilliant principles from speaking in spaces because of this assumption. At that moment a healing took place, I recognized that that was my assumption about how people received what they brought. Feeling the honesty in each one there and then hearing how much what I say brings value to the space completely dismantled this sandcastle that I had built on the value of what I say.
Another example of how I've been looking at assumptions in my processes and research...
In one day I had finished a meeting of a journey that was holding space. It had been simply incredible, I left in pure ecstasy. When I finished the meeting I was about 80% happy, I really wanted to celebrate. I decided to go to the room where the women who live with me were talking loudly. I thought, um, this might be a good place to celebrate.
When I arrived they were in a totally different space from what I would like to propose. However, I just arrived and "broke" the space. I started to share my joy and it made them feel weird because they were on a totally different subject. After I shared a little bit about how ecstatic I was they started going back to the old stuff and I felt pruned, I didn't feel heard. I stayed there for a while longer, but I had swallowed a feeling in that instant: sadness. Sadness because I created an assumption that my joy had "spoiled" the space and an assumption that they would want to celebrate with me, an assumption that they wanted to hear and witness the expression of my joy.
I left the room with that and went to get some water. A friend was at the table writing and he asked me, "how was the journey?". I started to share and we created a space for celebration at that moment. It was amazing. One of the most extraordinary spaces I have ever experienced. It was there that the penny dropped that extraordinary moments are completely unexpected, they arrive like a sunny day in the middle of winter. It is unpredictable and warms the soul.
After the celebration he realized he had another feeling and I was able to express the sadness I had felt minutes before. Ali was very special not to get into the rules of: is this an emotion or feeling? It was very special just to share and allow it to go deeper, right there. Allowing myself to feel this sadness I realized that there was also an assumption about my joy. There was an assumption that expressing my joy was too much for people.
Listening to what my feelings brought me, I was able to learn there that I can use my fear, for example, to scan where and with whom I can create this moment of expressing my joy. I can use my fear to enter spaces and not arrive at them suddenly, invading spaces. The question that came up was how do I create my celebration spaces?
I had in mind that I had an old decision that if I express joy I'm going to break the space, I'm going to spoil the space. In fact, in this situation I found this to be an assumption. So the question arose, what is the difference between assumption and decision? (this is a question that I'm still investigating and I don't have many perspectives yet, but I'll allow my hands to write here even though I don't know yet)
Anyone can make an assumption about anything. The assumptions are more in the realm of building a fantasy world. An assumption is just an assumption, it is in the mental field, of ideas. However, we act on it. With the assumption I had about what I brought to spaces, I stopped acting based on that. The assumption became real, I felt things from this assumption I created. It was as if I gossip to myself and believe the gossip I told myself. The decisions I feel come from a more intrinsic place in our box, more constitutive. It is as if decisions are the rules that make up a game. That make the game be such a way. The assumptions would be more like the costume of the character who plays.
An assumption can be cured, for example, with a reality check, as I reported above. This assumption that "if I'm too happy it's going to bother me" that I had, that's based on experiences I've had. I had. My box writes this assumption down and I come to believe it, it becomes reality. Then every time I feel joy and try to express it, I go back to this place that awakens the feeling of fear of being pruned, for example. But this is not necessarily an emotion. These experiences brought me the gold that in a situation like this I can reality check this assumption and then it falls apart.
One way for you to deal with your assumptions and the feelings that come from them is to check out what's really going on. What do you suppose is real?
And why a reality check? Because you're externalizing that and then it can dissolve and you can really feel the feelings that that sand castle gives you.
The point is that an assumption is like a sandcastle. It can be taken by sea. A decision is something deeper, it has beams.
The conclusion I want to end this article is that transformation and healing don't have a shape and rules. It can happen in many ways, the most unexpected and non-linear. I invite you to discover that other forms of healing and transformation exist out there. Let non-linearity and its brilliant principles guide you.
Possibility to experiment on your assumptions.
Over the next 3 days, observe your assumptions. The next time you have an assumption and you realize it's an assumption, I invite you to externalize it. All the time we are making assumptions, divide 10% to observe this.
For example: you arrive in a conversation and you have the assumption that people there are excluding you. You can come in and say something like, "I have an assumption that you guys are excluding me because you don't like me. Is this real? Can you confirm this for me?"
See what happens. If feelings come, let them come, feel them.