I will share with you in this article a legend of an experiment I recently experienced on the Gremiling Transformation Journey.
On 18th July, at night, I did the craziest thing in my life, so far. The challenge was part of the Journey of Transformation of Gremiling, supported by Vera Franco, that I've been participating.
The proposal was: choose a box/identity completely different from mine and deliver my non-material value, the value of my being through this box. Experiencing this was much more surprising, scary and chalanging than I imagined.
In this experiment I was able to experience in all my bodies the distinction: "I have a box, but I am not my box". The box is that part of you that has rules, beliefs, assumptions, habits, opinions, tastes. It is the "personality", "identity". However, you are so bigger than that.
My team gave me the possibility to use the box of a really poweful woman, with lots of money, powerful, dangerous, a box that is very different from mine. The action to do with this new box was to take 300 reals (brazilian currancy), change them into 2, 5 and 10 reals bills, go to a public place and throw the money up.
When I heard this proposal, fear instantly started running through my body, and thoughts like "impossible, I won't do that, I'll do something simpler", or "I'm saving money to travel, to go to the Lab in Portugal, why would I "throw away", out of the blue, 300 reals?", and so on? the reason to give up and not do this exercise became so fast and easily.
In my box there are a lot of rules and conditioning related to: scarcity, showing up and "getting attention" and this experiment took me to the edge of these 3 things at the same time.
On Monday, an amazing woman began to prepare me to step into this role of the powerful woman. She did my makeup and put together a look that when I put it on, I didn't "recognize" myself. I looked in the mirror and, wow, I look very different from my box. I realized a great fear of showing up, of drawing attention, of being seen.
The public space that I chose to throw my money into was at the terminal in downtown Florianópolis (TICEN). On the way to this adventure the electricity of fear began to run through my body more and more. Cold feet, cold stomach, heart beating fast, life running through my veins.
On the way, talking to a friend who was there to support me and film the experiment, I began to seek clarity and ask myself what was the real purpose of throwing up 300 reals, what could my being deliver of value beyond money?
I have been living a deep transformation on the topic of money and scarcity: of time, of resources, of people. I chose that my purpose at that moment was to allow my bright principles of Adventure, Aliveness and High-Level Fun to make a crack in the box's people, in people's beliefs, so that something different could enter through the cracks in this tight wall that compresses the being. The purpose was to light a spark in the hearts of those people who were coming home from work tired, to plant a seed of questioning about life and money.
So I decided not to just throw money up, but to call people up and say it out loud. To ask a research question that has been very much alive for me which is: if money was not a problem, what would you do? (and here talking to Israel I came to the place that I still see money as a problem), but in this situation I still decided to do with that question.
When I arrived in the real pleace I felt very afraid about how people would react to this. We were walking around the places in that terminal and everybody was walking fast, in a hurry to catch the bus. I thought at that moment that the experiment would be a failure.
I decided to leave the terminal where there was a greater flow of people and do it there, with people passing by. I started to talk about what was coming, I got totally into this box pf powefull woman and it allowed me to do something that my box could NEVER, EVER do: Start shouting in the middle of the street, question people about money and then just throw it up and walk away.
While I was talking, a few people stopped, I asked questions, I talked to their being. When I threw the various notes up, at first people were shocked and did nothing. After a few seconds a man took the initiative to go over and get some notes, and then everyone ran and it was over in less than 30 seconds.
For me it was very interesting what happened after that. I experienced 3 extraordinary conversations with totally unknown people. First was with a woman, Clara. She came to me, very curious, asking me what was behind it, I shared with her the purpose and she said that what I did inspired her very much. She said: "These questions that you have asked me have really touched my heart. I am going to home really frustrated and tired, I realized that I have fallen into a fantasy world that one day I will be free of this job. I realized that almost all my time today is dedicated to making money, this makes me very sad."
After this conversation with Clara, which touched my heart deeply, a young man approached me. Matheus had just left a business school class, and he began to share with me the dreams he has that he is putting off because "he has to become someone in life first"; he said that this awakened a fire in him to live life with more adventure and risks.
And finally, later, already on the bus, going home, a man who was sitting next to me called me to talk and started thanking me for having done it that day. He managed to get 50 Reals from what had fallen on the floor, he said "I really needed that money today to eat, I was asking God not to end my day hungry".
Wow, it all broke my heart. I was very sad to realize how I see money as a problem and how in fact it is a problem for many people today. To see how hungry people are because they don't have a piece of paper that we call money, when Gaia is so abundant and generous. To see people selling their time for something that sucks the life out of them. To see a young person with so much life believing that he needs to be someone in life in order to live his dreams. I felt a lot of sadness for the economic system that we built for ourselves and that we chose to nurture day after day and that is annihilating us.
I felt anger in realizing how intrinsic the patriarchy is in the way I think about power, about abundance, and about money. I felt a lot of joy to have done this experiment and to have allowed my being to bring out my bright principles in such an authentic, completely different and fun way. I was very afraid of how people would react, of being seen as "the rich white girl who is splurging and throwing money around just because she has a good life". I was very angry to see guys look to me and flyrting just because I was alone on the bus (and while I was with a man next to me on the way there, nothing happened).
I realized that I have several stories about what power, money, means, that disempower me, that limit me from expressing my being and my purpose in the world.
I have a box, I am not my box. So I can always be expanding it, transforming it, to create more spaces for the infinite possibilities of life.
What are you stopping doing today because of your box? Share it here in the Blog comments, it will be a pleasure to exchange with you.
PS: This experiment was raw material for the writing of one of the articles I have most loved writing, I feel like I come from something bigger than myself, I recommend it!
Love and Adventure,
Complexity Navigator Gabriela